Zombieland: Double Tap (2019)

After watching this movie at my local cinema, I decided to head to the restroom before starting my drive home. At about the same time, there was an older couple standing near the bathrooms. They appeared to be in their early to mid 60’s. The gentleman was holding a large bucket of popcorn. He told his partner that he’d be back after visiting the restroom. He ended up walking into the restroom in front of me.

So I’m standing in the restroom, tending to the business at hand, enjoying the ability to stretch my legs after sitting through another great cinematic masterwork (🙄) and I realized that the gentleman that had entered the restroom before me was done. He flushed the urinal, and walked quickly out of the restroom, most likely eager to thrust his grubby, soiled hands into that large bucket of popcorn he was most likely sharing with his partner.

Human beings are slovenly bags of meat. Just ambling totems of sweat, drool, and greed. Humans have always been this gross, and probably always will be. Being turned into a zombie isn’t as far of a change as it might seem at first glance. It may come as a surprise to some, but in most zombie movies, the undead horde isn’t the monster. They aren’t the ravenous, thirsty ghouls most threatening the heroes. We’re the most dangerous creatures to each other in any given zombie scenario. Our blind greed and self interest is the real foe.

Self interest seems to be the primary reason this movie was made. It’s not particularly funny, or witty, or even interesting. It doesn’t even have anything in particular to say, other than “Thanks for buying a ticket”. The acting is fine for what it is, the script was uninspiring but serviceable. The special effects get the job done. I just can’t really think of a reason to see this movie. At first blush, I’d say check it out if you like “zombie movies”, but this isn’t that. It’s a road trip comedy movie with zombies in it.

Maybe the guy that didn’t wash his hands after taking a leak would really like it, but I thought it was just “meh”. There’s literally not much here to even comment on. Everything about this movie is right there on the surface. You’ll know if you’re going to like it within the first 60 seconds of watching the goofy intro sequence. I was mostly entertained, but not really impressed in any way.

3/7 Bananas